To the residents of #314

Dear Apartment #314,

I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but I just want to let you know my bedroom is on the other side of your living-room based nightclub.

Also, my bedroom window is right next to your balcony.

First, let's talk about your playlist:
1. Britney
2. Katy Perry
3. Pink
4. Fergie
SERIOUSLY??? I don't know you that well, but from occasionally sharing an elevator with you I gather you are in the post-college-but-no-one-told-me-the-frat-party-is-over stage of your lives.

I love me some Britney, but I think your playlist might be hurting your image and chances with the ladies, if you know what I mean. Also, I'm really over "I Kissed A Girl" ESPECIALLY at 4am on Tuesday morning.

And keep in mind that I am all up in yo biznass about all kinds of things I'd rather not be, especially when said things are happening on your porch.

You seem like nice people, and I'm sure you don't mean to keep me up at all hours of the night with your loudness and tacky colored porch lights. But try GOING OUT next time you're in the mood to party...its what all the kids are doing these days. You should really try it.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm a really nice person, and if/when you allow me to recover from my sleep deprivation, I'm sure we could be friends.

But just keep in mind I also have an IHOME. With 2 speakers. That I'm considering aiming at your wall at 7am. I promise you I have an endless arsenal of Britney with which to pound your defenseless ears at 7am if you choose to ignore this warning.

Don't push me.

XOXO,

#313