Puzzle this out with me...

Today I was standing in an uncharacteristically long line at the ATM, and I used the time to ponder the fashion statement of the woman in front of me. It was actually more of a run-on sentence than a statement:

Air dried virgin hair=granola

Faux coach purse=cares about labels, or maybe a gift from a friend who recently went to NYC or somewhere else similarly famous for selling knock-off bags to overly-eager tourists.

Claw clip attached to purse strap= (I have no translation for this one...it gives me a headache to ponder)

Belted no label jeans circa 1995=I don't shop

Sketchers with green laces=closet shoe shopper

So do I have this translation right?

"I'm a granola girl who doesn't care about clothes, except maybe shoes and purses, but I would NEVER admit to that...I also have friends who give really crappy gifts."

This is the fashion equivalent of those cars that are quite entertaining to be stuck behind at a long traffic light, because the driver has felt the need to express their views to the world via bumper sticker on religion, politics, sports, and while they're at it, also let you know what school their child attends and that he/she made honor roll.

Whew! Let's keep it simpler, shall we?