Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your...

I have a confession to make: I check out other girls' racks. Like, so much that I really couldn't get mad at a guy I was dating for doing the same thing. (Note to potential suitors: Its still a good idea to be discrete if you do it while you're with me. xoxo) I don''t think that we have the same motivation for checking them out, but I understand where poor dude is coming from.

I have no issues with my own assets, but I am really fascinated with girls who have huge breasts, real or faux, and that REALLY PUT IT OUT THERE. And then get mad at you for staring...

I saw two girls today while I was hiking, whom I'm 99.999% sure paid for their cup size (possibly a buy-two-get-two free scenario?) and had on probably the same size sports bra that I was wearing. How can anyone not stare at that?

Faux boobs defy gravity in the weirdest way...I can't help but wonder when they lay down at night if those things sit at attention as perkily as they do in their obviously unneccessary push-up bra. And most of the boob jobs I've seen have this odd crater-like cavern between them instead of normal cleavage. Famous people who can afford good doctors still come out looking like that...why don't they fix it? Is it just a hazard of shoving 5 lbs of silicone in a space created for 1lb of flesh, or was the doc just having an off day?

And why do girls who have fake boobs always flash everyone and invite everyone to touch their breasts when they get drunk at parties? Keep them to yourself ladies!!! Just because you paid $$$$ for them doesn't mean you should show them off to the world like you would a Tiffany bracelet. Although I've never taken any of these girls up on their offer to actually touch them, I DO have this inexplicable urge to poke one...will it pop? Bounce back? Break my fingernail?

I'm also amazed by women, faux or natural, who don't wear a bra but clearly need one. I could arguably get away with the no-bra thing for the most part, but wear one out of a sense of modesty and decency. Please don't advertise that you are wearing no underwear girls!

I saw another girl (they were OUT and ABOUT today, apparently) with what I'm fairly sure was natural size E or F or some such, and she had on a super-tight Tshirt that said HOOTERS in huge letters across her hooters. (Note: it was not a Hooters uniform nor were we in any close proximity to that restraunt).

I'm sorry, I have to stare at that. Just, WOW.