The one for Joe Spina

It takes a real man to admit he reads a Fashion Blog...so this is for (and inspired by) my buddy and pretty awesome guy, Joe Spina.

On a fun night out a couple of weeks ago, someone whipped out a camera for a quick photo. My natural reflexes kicked and and I immediately whipped out my compact.

Joe: "Are you powdering your nose before a picture?"

Me: "Um, always!!"

And I'll always do a lipstick check too. Because, people, this is the age of Instant Facebook Tags.

***Stay tuned ladies, Joe also revealed to me his list of top ten sexy body parts on a woman, which I will feature in an upcoming blog.
And NO, boobs did not make the list. xoxo, Joe!

How to wear JLeggings

JLeggings are that awful hybrid of leggings trying to masquerade as pants by appearing to be really, really, really tight jeans.

Until now, my official view on all things concerning leggings has been: "I have nothing against leggings as long as I'm not being forced to see every nook and cellulite-induced cranny of your backside...PLEASE just wear a long enough shirt to cover those issues..." Translation: jleggings are not the answer.

But Y'ALL...I bought a pair last week. YES you read right. I KNOW I CAN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER. But I promise they work. And after extensive research in front of a three-way mirror, here is why:

1. The fabric is actual denim with just enough stretch that they don't need a zipper. The acceptable ratio is 95% cotton/polyester (read: denim for those of you that didn't take TEXTILES 101 in college) 5% or less lycra/spandex.

2. A Dark Wash...hides your VPL, and any lumpiness :-)

3. It comes in a number size. As in 2, 4, 6, etc, NOT xs, small, med, etc.

4. They are not too tight, small, or short...to ensure the right fit check for muffin top and length (at least to your ankle bone).

Okay, leggings, you win this one.

Another Postscript...

Club #314 is up to their old tricks again. (And I wish I could take credit for the nickname, but that is actually the name of their wireless network).

Last night my room was literally shaking with their music, so I went out on the porch to ask them to turn it down a little. Not OFF, just down, and preferably not RIGHT NEXT TO MY BEDROOM WALL. I've actually never asked them to be quiet before in the entire 2 years I've been here...

Here is our conversation:

Me: "Hey can yall turn that down a little? My bedroom is next to your speakers and I have to get up early tomorrow."

Chubby Girl: "Um, it's a party."

Me: "Obviously."

Chubs: "You can come!"

Me: "I'm kind of already there. I don't mind the party but just turn it down or move your speakers please. I have to get up really early, and your apartment isn't that big, I'm positive you could still hear it."

Jerkface Guy: "Well, its a BIRTHDAY party."

Me: (Blank stare)

Jerkface: "I can turn it down but I can't promise it will stay down. I mean, I don't live here, but this is a BIRTHDAY party."

Oh, excuse me. It's a BIRTHDAY party. Well, in that case.....don't mind me or my wanting to sleep or anything. But shame on you, #314, for throwing your friend a tacky apartment birthday party. My friends would never do that to me.

Postscript to "Ode to THE SWEATER"

Today is five weeks ago to the day that I lost THE SWEATER on an airplane.

And today, here I sit in 11F, the exact seat where I left it. I kid you not. Airtran is mocking me and my carelessness. I actually did a quick search as I took my cursed seat, hoping I would see it, but it's really gone.

What are the odds???

Trash Red

I first noticed this disturbing trend on Valentine's Day...at the bar in a very nice sushi place. I looked around and saw three women wearing various versions of this horrendous color I refer to as "TRASH RED."

I'd add a pic here, but due to variations in color in photos, lighting, and screen, I don't want to risk insulting the other shades of red. I'll just describe it as everything that can go wrong with red all rolled into one eye-offending shade: orange-y, cheap, faded, bad fabric...just vulgar.

It also makes the wearer appear cheap, vulgar, trashy, and easy. And much like an eyesore home in a ritzy neighborhood brings down property values, TRASH RED brings down any sort of label status your other garments may have. Prada, Chanel, Oscar de la Renta, Louis Vuitton...bah! You are no match for the TRASH RED.

I was sort of hoping these ladies were misguided in their attempts to theme out their outfits to match Valentines Day. But alas, I should have realized that three random girls in the same room wearing that exact shade was more than a coincidence. As I feared, TRASH RED is now a trend and many TRASH RED garments are being produced and are available to the public en masse.

Do not fall this ladies...I don't care how classy you are, no one can pull this off. The TRASH RED will make you look like a hussy.

To Compliment or Not to Compliment...

There is a lot of BAD FASHION out there (and I use the term "fashion" loosely).

I know most people don't set out to look bad, but unfortunately many do...so when someone nails it, I really try to go out of my way to compliment them, to encourage more of the same.

Yesterday at the gas station, this cute girl was pumping gas and at first glance, I thought she had a super-cute, classy little Audrey Hepburn ensemble going on. Little black ballet flats, a black cardigan buttoned with the hem of a bright turquoise top peeping out to brighten things up, fitted black pants...WAIT, ARE THOSE LEGGINGS???????!!!!! AHHHH!!!! (and I could see her butt-crack outline. HORRORS.)

So, 3/4 of her outfit was totally cute, but I withheld the compliment due to the one-layer-over-the-bum violation. As many a belle will tell you, leggings do not stand alone as pants.

Then later I felt guilty, because aside from that it was one of the cutest going-to-the-gas-station/running-errands looks I've seen here. After all, the standards for that sort of thing out here on the West Coast are pretty low. I mean, at least she was DRESSED.

Was I too harsh?

Oscar Notes

Things I would like to ban from next year's Awards show Red Carpets:

Shoes with ankle straps

Black dresses

Dresses that match the wearer's skin tone

Rain

Politics