I'm breaking up with Nordstrom

Dear Nordstrom @ the Grove,

Um, WHERE are the petite dresses? Who decided it was okay to eliminate that section? What am I supposed to wear to work now, PANTS???? This is not okay with me. Not cool at all. Way to discriminate against short people.

Grrrrrr,

Me

P.S. If this is some manipulative plot to force me to use your alterations department, you can forget it.

De-coding Dress Codes

I've always been under the impression that "dress code" was an attempt to help people choose an appropriate outfit and show up feeling like a million bucks, or at least wear something they knew would be in keeping with the event/restruant/party they are attending so as not to embarrass themselves or make others uncomfortable.

If you're from the South, you probably also had the added benefit of education by your mom/grandmother, even dad who would let you know in no uncertain terms if you were inappropriately dressed and would NOT let you leave the house until you were...(One of the most embarrassing incidents of my teenage years was my dad telling me he could see my PINK BRA through my dress and to either change that or the dress immediately).

Anyway, Dress Codes are apparently not what they used to be...instead of clarifying what to wear, they just seem to make it more difficult...here are some I've encountered just over the last year:

Dressy Casual (my favorite oxymoron)

Cocktail Casual

Hollywood Sexy (huh?)

Smart Casual

Casual Sophistication

"Festive" (this gives me nightmares)

Retro Cocktail Chic (is it a costume party?)

Smart Elegant

Texas Black Tie (belt buckle, spurs, cowboy hat with a tux? Maybe?)

Comfortable Cocktail (?)

I feel we could debate the meaning of any one of these for hours and come up with no solid answer.

No wonder celebrities have such a hard time on the red carpet these days.

Check one off my Fashionista Bucket List

I have always had a "list" of look-enhancing things I want to try...it includes such things as laser treatments, mink eyelash extensions, super expensive beauty creams, etc. So naturally I was THRILLED when my stylist offered to put in hair extensions for my birthday. Those have been on the list for years.

Since Mark, the Stylist Extraordinaire, and I are separated by a continent and I trust no one else to touch my hair, I hesitated for a second when he broke out the glue...I've never done anything more permanent than highlights to my look and I like to be versatile. But I was really sure I wanted to try them, so he put them in and they looked amazing!!!

But then reality set in. The first time was when I washed my hair...it pulled and hurt like when your mama combs your hair when you're 5 and being bratty during bath time.

I then realized I had severely limited my hairstyling options to the two that don't show where the extensions are attached...down and low pony tail. Also, I can't air dry my hair because my real hair and the extensions dry differently. Bottom line...they're really fun, but the party's over and I want them out.

But alas, the extensions are not budging. Mark told me acetone and oil will break down the glue, so every time I wash my hair I attack them with nail polish remover and a hot oil treatment. So far, the extensions are winning. I know eventually they will surrender. I just hope they don't take the hair they're attached to with them (although Mark assures me this will not happen).

So the verdict is that I love the extensions, but in a hot-summer-fling sort of way. And right now, baby, I need my space. If I can ever disentangle myself from this relationship, I will definitely stick to the clip-in kind next time. Because at the end of the day, the version of me I love the most is me au naturale.

**This experience has definitely settled the "should-I-or shouldn't-I-get-a-boob-job" question once and for all.

Comfy sweats with Zippers: an Oxymoron

Thanks to Chi Blackwood for today's topic...I love requests!

So this is sort of a debate. Are sweatpants still sweatpants if they have zippers?

Fortunately, the manufacturer, J-Crew, has provided us with the proper nomenclature for this: "the Un-sweatpant."

The "un" apparently referring to the slimmer cut of the pant and ankle zippers.

Because who hasn't sometimes wished, "Geez, these sweatpants are really comfy but I wish there was some way I could make them TIGHTER."

Leggings perhaps? Or stick with your sweats. Because these pants are confusing...and kinda fugly.

How to shop at Target and look like a Million Bucks...

After I discovered this disturbing garment in Target, I really felt it needed to be addressed:

(and I apologize for it's sideways-ness, but I am not yet adept in the ways of the macbook...besides, this angle is slightly less offensive :-)

I can't even address this right now....I've called for a boycott of these particular leggings, and thanks to all of you who have joined my cause.

But I get it...we are in midst of a recession, and if you have money to buy new clothes to begin with, you're probably headed to some of the less expensive sources.

So...for those of you on a limited budget who want to get the most for your money, here are my guidelines for shopping cheap without looking that way:

1. If you are shopping at a major chain, i.e. Target, Old Navy, Gap, or any outlet, DO NOT BUY PRINTS. All of these stores only have about 5 prints at any given time, so if you wear it you're extremely likely to run into others who are wearing the same thing...especially because these types of stores are all over the country and have the SAME things no matter where you are located. Plus, everyone who shops there will recognize it, even if they didn't buy it too.

2. Save around 10% of your clothing budget for a tailor. That's the difference in looking passable and looking amazing!

3. Try to buy solids in basic colors and use accessories to change the look up...necklaces, earrings, purses, shoes, tights, (knee-socks, anyone? :-) can define the formality of the look more than your actual dress, skirt, whatever. Bonus: most people won't recognize your basic black dress or top when it's paired with something totally different than you wore it with last week.

4. Fabric is really important...you can get away with less expensive denim, cotton, and some knits. But don't try to buy a formal gown or a silky top at one of these stores. That cheap silky stuff screams "cheap silk-imposter polyester!!!" If the fabric looks cheap, move on.

5. TRY IT ON BEFORE YOU BUY... and check to be sure the garment is properly lined, seams and hems are straight, buttons properly attached, etc.

****And for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT BUY THOSE LEGGINGS*****

Happy shopping!

I'm quoted!!!!

I'm so excited that stylist extraordinaire Catherine Collins invited me to contribute to her blog this week!

The topic...Wife Beaters. Are they sexy? Catherine says H to the No. I say yes, but with a HUGE disclaimer.

Read what we came up with here.

Because if anyone is an expert on who can and can't pull off a Wife Beater, it's your resident small town Southern Belle, right?

Here are the Cliff's notes of guide:

1. Do not accessorize the wife beater...i.e. chains, medallions, and sideways baseball caps.
2. Groom yourself. If you're a hairy guy, then find another style.
3. You must be in great shape: no excess fat, no excess skinniness, and visible abs, shoulders, biceps, and lats.
4. Wife Beaters are only acceptable at the gym or if you are doing a manly chore for your lady (changing the oil, fixing the car, assembling a piece of furniture, mowing the lawn, etc.).
5. No stains, holes, rips, or tears (unless they were sustained from one of the above manly chores).
6. The only acceptable colors are black, white, or gray. No logos, and PLEASE no neon!
7. If you have any doubts about whether or not you can pull it off, then follow your instincts and don't!

I only personally know about 5 guys who can pull this off, and even most of those elect not to, so proceed with caution.

xoxo,

April

The one for Joe Spina

It takes a real man to admit he reads a Fashion Blog...so this is for (and inspired by) my buddy and pretty awesome guy, Joe Spina.

On a fun night out a couple of weeks ago, someone whipped out a camera for a quick photo. My natural reflexes kicked and and I immediately whipped out my compact.

Joe: "Are you powdering your nose before a picture?"

Me: "Um, always!!"

And I'll always do a lipstick check too. Because, people, this is the age of Instant Facebook Tags.

***Stay tuned ladies, Joe also revealed to me his list of top ten sexy body parts on a woman, which I will feature in an upcoming blog.
And NO, boobs did not make the list. xoxo, Joe!