More post-labor day white atrocities

If you and I are Facebook buds, I'm sure you saw my post about NOT wearing white bike shorts to the gym...or really anywhere.

Well, people, she's back! She was there again yesterday...at least I hope it was the same girl. Please tell me there is not more than one person in this town that would not realize that this is a bad idea. And now all of L.A. Fitness knows waaay more about her waxing habits than we care to.

And worse, as I left I saw ANOTHER girl in line at the Knitting Factory wearing a WHITE dress, skin-tight, ruched, made of cheap-and-therefore-slightly-see-through fabric. Dear Lord.

My eyes are hurt and confused. First, we are in Hollywood where if you're not wearing black you are probably a tourist. Second, it is after Labor Day... Third, are you even allowed to wear white in the Knitting Factory?

Pssst...Blake! Your hairstylist HATES you.

Honey, your hairstylist totally has it out for you.

Your dress and yourself are super hot. That dress deserves way better hair.

Instead, we have an unfortunately placed ponytail that evokes a conehead effect, and then it's BRAIDED??? WTF???

And it's not even a good braid...it's all messy and coming loose and really needs to be re-done.

Actually, NO. Don't. Just take it down and shake it out. Shake it off, and move on down that carpet. After you fire your hairstylist...

A straggly, messy braid? At the Emmys? Seriously???

To the Manager of Big Wangs Hollywood

Dear Big Wangs person-in-charge-of-the-TVs:

First, kudos for putting the UGA game and TX game on side by side, with the AU game adjacent, so my friends and I could all sit at the same table together in peace as none of us were playing each other this week.

But I'm really going to need you to keep the sound on one of the games as long as there is a college football game going on.

And please, do not ever again under any circumstances, put the sound on a homo-erotic wrestling match featuring grown men wearing speedos, oiled up and writhing around in sexually-suggestive positions.

Actually, it would be awesome if you just wouldn't put this gay-porn-disguised-as-a-sport on any of your TVs ever again.

Xoxo,

Me

Pick-up Lines that don't work...

...but are there any that do?

All of these have actually been said to me or one of my friends, in the last couple of weeks...

"You have a boyfriend? Oh, I have a girlfriend too, but for you, I could forget her."

"When you walked in the door, I saw a halo around you."

"You are a very attractive human being...I hope you get the part."

"You already have dinner plans? Then cancel them."

"I'd really like to f*** you."

Yikes.

I recommend introducing yourself and offering to buy her a drink. I promise this will produce much better results than any of the above.

But for the Grace of God...

I managed to almost kill about 6 people during my 10 minute, 1.5 mile drive to work this morning, including:

Guy that waits til my light turns GREEN to cross. (At least he gets the whole crosswalk thing. A lot of people here don't. He just has it backwards.)

Guy riding his bike down the middle of the road, and occasionally veering directly into oncoming traffic.

Camo-wearin' shopping cart pushin' neighborhood scary guy that doesn't do sidewalks. Ever.

Chick walking her dog & apparently completely oblivious to the sound of my gated garage opening and my car engine.

God obviously wants to keep these people alive. Their work here is not done.

The Virtues of Dresses (or the Evils of Pants)

First, I'd like to point out that for thousands of years women wore dresses. This pants thing has only been going on for the last 50 years or so.

Also, the people who encouraged women to wear pants are the same ones who thought burning our bras was a good idea. Does that sound like a group of people capable of giving sound fashion advice?

Dresses & skirts are just simpler & sexier. As long as it's not too tight, short, or see-through, you are good.

Pants on the other hand...there are so many things that can go wrong I can't even list them all here. Just look around next time you're in public and you'll see what I mean. Play it safe, ladies!

Fashionista goes to Confession...

I spend a lot of time telling the rest of you how to dress on this blog. Recently, one of my BFFs told me she was afraid I was going to feature her in a future blog because of a fashion faux paux and it made me feel a little guilty. (First of all, I would never be that obvious!) Especially if you're a BFF, I'd pull you in the corner and straighten you out in private if you needed it.

But I also felt guilty because well, I'm not perfect either. My confessions:

1. Overdone makeup, particularly Eyes & Lips.
It makes me feel quite Marilyn-esqe. And Marilyn is my absolute favorite, and I aspire to emulate her in all areas. (except for the OD of course).

Oh, and I also like those really bright pinky-coral lipsticks that only grandmothers wear...

And also, whenever someone does my makeup for a shoot or whatever, my first instinct is to run to the bathroom and add extra mascara and a bright lipstick. OKAY, moving on...

2. I overdress for almost everything...work, church, the grocery, going out. I dress up on airplanes. I wore a black dress and heels to a sports bar last Saturday. I fancy myself to be setting an example in an increasingly overly-casual world. A lone voice crying out in the wilderness, if you will...

3. UGGS 4-EVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With everything.

4. I hate belts. I'm pretty sure there is a rule about wearing belts with pants with beltloops if your shirt is tucked in or some whatnot, because my college roommate used to always try to make me wear one. But I've spent so much time telling myself that's stupid, I've succeeded in believing my own lies.

5. Overaccessorizing. I know Chanel said that after you dress, look in the mirror and take off one accessory, but its SO HARD. And that's SO BAD for me, because as Instyle is constantly reminding me, this could "overpower my petite frame."

6. I wear high heels with minis and teensy, tiny little shorts. Supposedly this places me in grave danger of looking trashy & cheap. I say its the shape of your legs and the quality of the heels that count!

7. Cleavage at work...and church. I know. Inappropriate. BUT, I'm doing it with an A-cup. I consider it an accomplishment that I can even create cleavage with my assets at all, and I'm too proud of myself to worry about it being a faux paux.

8. VPL. Sometimes. But I only do this in black. Black forgives a multitude of sins.

So, I'm not perfect. I actually happen to think it can be very chic to find a rule YOU can break and make it your signature, i.e. my eyes/lips overkill thing.

Just know if I think you can't pull it off, I will call you out :-) In a nice way of course.